Just When I Think…

Just when I think I have my act together, it falls apart. Or so it seems, it seems the world is conspiring to sabotage all the efforts, to wear me down, to poke holes into my resolve, to keep me from my goals, from success. Such was my week last week. I started out Sunday last week with energy, and accomplishments galore. I went for a run planning to run again on Tuesday (the forecast was for nice weather again). I had my other sports/workouts on the roster and I felt rested and motivated. Monday went just as well, and then…

Tuesday happened. It isn’t always a Tuesday but this particular Tuesday was the day. We were getting ready to take Furgus to the vet when my hubby started feeling pains in his back. By the time we got to the vet 40 minutes later my hubby was doubled over and almost passing out. I dropped Furgus off with the receptionist, signed the examination consent form and drove Lorne to hospital. Drugs and drugs helped his pain and tests and tests and the next two days more tests, finally revealed the sharp object moving in his urinary system…yep kidney stones. That was Thursday.

IMG_4876

You can see his right leg is swollen. He rested a lot. He also got his boosters when he went to the vet.

Back to Tuesday. The day was spent in the hospital, waiting, so much waiting and not knowing when the doctor would come in, and no food, no planning was involved…How do you plan food around an emergency visit to the hospital anyway? Furgus was okay, his swollen leg the result of a cat bite and treated with antibiotics. Arriving home in near dark having animals to feed and us to feed, I did not go for a run. The sheer exhaustion of the stress from the day did me in to the point of feeling ill. And we had to go back in the morning.

Wednesday morning did not start out with my scheduled bootcamp (nor Spanish class which is also on my dream board) and the day passed with a bit more stress being told, no stones showed up so you have to go to a different hospital tomorrow for a CT scan. That appointment was set for the afternoon.

Thursday I got to play wallyball in the morning as is my custom. An hour and half of good fun and exercise does wonders for the mental state. After getting the CT scan in the afternoon, we returned to the original hospital. After waiting there for over an hour we got confirmation of the moving stone, size and plan of action. Another late day and late feeding of chickens, eat quickly and head out to basketball.

That too was foiled with the sudden and rapid falling of snow. No visibility, I turned around and cancelled basketball.

At some points I felt rather discouraged, especially when I was feeling particularly exhausted. At other points I just went with it, because that’s really all you can do. I also felt encouraged because despite the chaos that was my life in those few days, I still got in some exercise, I still got in time to do Spanish homework, I still had a tidy house and still made good food choices (when I finally got to eat). Despite the upheaval, the things that needed to be done were done. Despite the stress of ‘not knowing’ at the beginning, we got the good news of kidney stones…yep good news because we know that ‘this too shall pass’ and all will be right again. Not without some pain (oh he will suffer greatly still) but then it will be done.

What my hubby was going through was terrible, that is his experience, his story; I am not saying his situation was about me. Still when my loved one is going through something, I am affected and that part is about me. That part is my experience; it is okay to feel it, to know it, to accept it, to talk about it. It is what is happening around me and does influence what is happening in my world. It changes my plans, it affects what I am doing. In accepting that part is about me, I can accept what I can’t change in the situation. In accepting what I can’t change, I can discover what I can control and in that way, I am empowered and not beaten down by the things I can’t control.

social-curator-01-2018-11.JPG

I become aware of how terrible others have it. I am grateful for the ‘smallness’ of my struggles. When I think I have it together, it sometimes feels like the world conspires against me. In those moments I remember ‘This too shall pass”, to relax, to take a breath, and know that I can still be successful in some things, even if not in what I had planned.

 

Dreamscapes

Dreams do come true. It is really easy to say if you haven’t dreamed really big. Sometimes we don’t dream big because although we believe that the small dreams and goals can happen, believing something bigger isn’t possible is way more difficult. This weekend I made my first vision board. I worked on it for a couple hours from start to finish and came up with something I am pretty happy with. As with many of my creative works, I will revisit it to rework parts of it. I missed some items I had forgotten until it was put together. So I won’t be posting a photo of it just yet.

social-curator-01-2018-02

One of the things included was my list of current commandments for myself (of which I missed one on the list and there is not space for it). I got the idea after reading The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. She has 12 commandments and a list of Secrets of Adulthood. I was inspired to do up a list of commandments for me. The first one is Be Dawn (her first one is Be Gretchen). I think it is important to remind myself to be true to myself. One of the others I have is Write. In an effort to keep that commandment my goal is to write a blog post every Sunday. I love to write but as with many things, it gets put to the side when life gets busy. As with most things I need to schedule what I want to do or it will be neglected.

I am wanting to write more about cycling. I started that last summer but…well I already went over that. So I will get back to that in the next while. It has been pretty nice out lately (for here), and when the shoulders of the road start clearing and the sun is high, I get the bug for cycling. It is a bit premature in January to get excited. Yes we have a trainer upstairs, but it isn’t quite the same. With the nice weather, I went for a run today for the first time in months. I didn’t really think about out it, just went.

social-curator-01-2018-45

Sometimes you just have to start by starting, but starting can be difficult, because there is always a ‘reason’ to not. In fact, if I think about it long enough, I am pretty good at talking myself out of anything. I am better off not getting in my head; not a great place to hang out. So starting without thinking is my go to way of starting. Continuing is done the same way. Making a habit is a great way to stop thinking and just doing. So many things to work on.

Having said that, today I got a ton accomplished. I had a ton of energy. As I have mentioned in the past, I have struggled with some age related health issues, as well as incident related injuries. Over the last few months I have been concentrating on my insides and it is beginning to pay off. Having a ton of energy is super helpful in reaching goals, smaller ones and lofty ones.

With my vision board on my wall and my energy up, I have hope for the future. I will keep you posted.

Happy New Year

Happy New Year! The one thing I have noticed, and so love reading on fb today, is the abundance of hope; hope for the new year, for a better life and more abundance. Along with hope, is thankfulness for many things of the past year but also to make it to another (hopeful) new year. It is a welcome change to feel more hope, to be inspired by people showing some self love, ready to make changes, to face what is ahead with joy. This is the time people vow to get healthier, to work out more, to eat better, to sleep more and to take care of themselves daily. In 3 weeks, it will be the time when many people have been living with the reality of life again after the holidays, and fall back into their routine, of less sleep, too busy or tired to exercise, to busy to put together a good meal or healthy snack (or even think what that means), falling back to being too absorbed in life’s obstacles to mindfully engage in self care.

social-curator-12-2017-42

Do you make New Year’s Resolutions, or do you write down New Year’s Goals, or do you just hope to recover from the eating season?

 

It is probable you have experienced the gym seen in January. People are eager to get exercising, often not feeling great after the prior weeks of eating season. Some may have felt like they needed to make changes before the holidays but put it off until the bustle of the ‘extras’ was over. How do we get to this point? Going back a few months: for some after the summer vacation, there is the start of school and kids lessons and sports practices and games, and trying to get organized with that, then the fall/winter holidays start stacking up and there are the obligations and fun things we want to do associated with life surrounding the events and that leads us to “I should have a little more time in January and I really need to change what I am doing”. Of course as we know, the ‘extra time’ is short lived, because the rest of the year is filled with wonderful opportunities, fun things, and of course the struggles that are just part of life but we would rather not have to deal with. So, the gyms are extra full at the beginning of January and the regulars get a bit annoyed with the newbies who come in and change things up. The newbies, if they are really new, are really uncomfortable with this and will feel discouraged by the scene and the busyness of it all. Others won’t even attempt the setting opting for self-motivated, on-line programming. As the weeks go on, as the self-motivation dwindles gym attendance drops, on-line programming is relegated to “I’ll do it tomorrow” and the busyness of life takes over. This can happen in whatever realm a person has endeavoured to move forward.

But there is hope! There are those who make really hard choices and stick with it. There are those who make little steps toward new habits and make those habits…well, habits! There are those who fall off the bandwagon for a short time and start up again in something they find fits their lifestyle better. There are those who didn’t start, but as the new year is moving along, find the need or desire to make changes and they do.

That’s where the thankfulness comes in (along with the hope) that I have been reading on fb. People who made changes at the beginning of 2017 or through the year who are thankful for just doing it. The people who recognized their need, who made big or small changes that made their lives better or changed their lives substantially. Those people who are so thankful, their happiness flows out to those around them. Those people who are so thankful and inspire others to push forward in efforts of betterment.

This is my wish for you for 2018, that you will have both hope, and thankfulness. I hope for you that you will start your year with not only hope for the year but with solid plans to make the year better. I desire for you to carry your hope through the year and your desire to grow will continue to spur you forward. I pray you find the joy in the journey even when the journey is not pleasant; that you see the blessings of the mountains and valleys and take rest in the meadows of your year. I ask that you see the many blessings bestowed on you, the things you have accomplished, the many blessings around you, because sometimes it is hard to focus on what is good when we don’t feel like things are good. And please seek gratitude daily and seek to be true to you. For in these things we become happiest and we shine that on others, and they like a mirror reflect it back. It is a beautiful thing!