In Sickness…

A couple days after returning from Houston, I fell ill. Often times, I don’t feel well, but continue to function and think I am being lazy until I am feeling better and then I realize I was sick. This time was different; I knew I was sick. I didn’t function well at all. The first day I did some personal development and had some quiet time on the couch drinking tea and hanging out with the cats.  I felt a little better the next day for a short time so went to wallyball.  It was okay but I was tired. I realized later in the day I still didn’t feel well so I skipped basketball. By Monday I was feeling very frustrated with feeling off. I struggled to wake up in the morning and started to cry; I hate that feeling of grogginess and trying to wake up. I didn’t have to help with cattle when we went out to the farm. I did continue to do things around the house and went out each day to feed the chickens. Everything just seemed so hard, everything took so much effort. I wanted (and did) cry when things seemed so heavy or overwhelming.  Wednesday was the beginning of the end.  Despite having a sore back which started on Tuesday, I went to bootcamp and felt more energetic after. I was able to play wallyball and basketball on Thursday and it was good. So what does it all mean besides that I am terrible sick person?

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Me sick, trying to read with Murphy (who was also sick as we found out later). I didn’t read much of the book, but spent more time reading on line.

I had a couple of coffee dates, one last Wednesday afternoon and one today. My visit last week was with someone who works in health care. The person today was someone who has had some severe health problems and still struggles with immunity and a bad back. Both told me stories of sickness but more than that, they told me stories so strength, of perseverance and hope. Both people, through their musings gave me perspective.

The person I saw today has suffered through vehicle accidents and cancer. She has had personal struggles as well. She gets up every day and makes things happen. She is unable to work but does some volunteering helping kids. She stays positive despite what she has gone through and what she is still dealing with. Listening to her, I just felt like everything seemed so hard. When she dropped something, she used one of those claws with a handle. It is normal for her; for me it seemed so difficult. One comment she made was that she she could reach everything in her home. The things some of us take for granted, others see as a blessing.

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I got the tea cup and tea from my fearless Monat leader when we were in Houston and had it in the afternoon that first and worst day.

The health care worker related her growth over the years that was amplified through her work, her ability to have empathy and to be a better person because of the people she has met. She talked of each person having a story. We all have a story but there are people who have spent their lives not having someone listen to their story. She said that much of the illness she sees is a result of heart and head pain (ache). She believes in connecting with people to bring a few moments of joy in that heart and head pain. She is passionate about people knowing they have worth. It was interesting to listen to her say many of the things that I too believe.

I am not a good patient…I am not patient at all with being sick. Yes, I push myself through it but I cry when it gets tough. Yes, I get back to working out as soon as physically possible, perhaps more quickly than other people but a hero I am not. It was so fitting to have my visits with these two people after going through my little flu bug. I am inspired by people who go through so much and remain strong, positive and full of grace, and those who care for people who suffer greatly through illness and heart and head pain, those who are strong, positive and full of grace as well as those who are miserable and nasty and want to give up. I fear I would be more like the latter if it were me. In my health though, I will practice strength, positivity and grace. And… I will practice empathy and listening to the story and hopefully helping someone to know they have worth.

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